Since I started this blog to document our life, I want take a snapshot of what our life is like right now. I realize that there are a lot of people out there with lives much, much harder than ours; but at the same time, our life now isn't easy. One day things will slow down. I tell myself this often. But, when that slow down does come, I also know that my children will no longer need me like they need me now. One day, I'll no longer fall into bed each night, asleep almost before my head hits the pillow. Exhausted both mentally ("mommy, mommy, mommy") and physically (from carrying around a sweet 23 pound girl).
Don't get me wrong, I love our today. I love that my kids depend on me for just about everything and I cherish this time because I know it won't always be this way. I'm already seeing that with Madeleine and it makes my heart ache. A lot.
The reason that life is tough right now is that Matt has an insane schedule. Insane. PhD school -- and yes, I realize it has a formal name "doctoral school" -- is basically a full time job. A very very hard job. Hard. Hard. Hard hard hard. This is not necessarily a bad thing, since it is the highest level of education one can achieve. It's just that Matt already has a full time job -- teaching. And, to anyone that thinks that teaching is some easy-peasy, 8-3 job let me clue you in right now: YOU ARE WRONG. So, in essence, Matt is working 2 full time jobs. And, we have 3 kids. And we're involved in church. And, he does quite a bit of "extra" stuff for our school district because he wants to & because often it's an honor to be asked.
And, I'm completely supportive of him. Well, most of the time. There are those days when everything goes wrong and I'm not such a happy mommy. :) But, thankfully those days are pretty few and far between. But, it's still a tough time for our family. The usual week consists of Matt not being home at night until the kids are either asleep or getting in bed to go to sleep. And this is happens anywhere from 3 to 5 nights during the week. And when he gets home, he's not done yet. He still has more reading/work/writing/grading to do. It's not uncommon for him to go to bed well after midnight. And, no, I don't stay up with him, but I am happily supporting him from my spot in bed. :)
Sadly, this schedule cuts into "family time," but on the positive side, he does have several weeks, several times during the year that he has NOTHING to do and we can make up some of that missing family time. It probably evens out. It's just the good times are amazing and the tough times are really tough. At least it's not forever. Just 48 more college hours. 10 more classes + dissertation. 2 1/2 more years. 5 more semesters. Just that. Not that we're counting or anything. :)
And the end result will be worth it: He'll be Dr. Wilson. Forever. And, there will be more/better opportunities too.
So, while Matt's working so hard on his degree, my job is the house, the kids and everything else. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it. Ha! I'm so thankful that Matt's supportive of me staying at home with the kids & there is no other job in this entire world that I would rather be doing. I know how blessed I am to be able to committ all of my energy to raising our children. I'm also constantly amazed at single parents. I absolutely don't know how they do it. Whenever I have a long stretch of "single parenthood" I feel like I'm doing the worst job. Thankfully, Matt & I have worked out our schedule & it generally runs like a well-oiled machine. And, I have created a weekly & daily schedule for the kids & myself that works pretty great....lots of trial & error, but I've found it! I'm usually able to ensure that Matt comes home to a clean house, with something to eat (might be cereal, but that counts!) and happy kiddos. And, our routine works great most of the time.
I've often told Matt that I think it's taking a church to help our family survive this. It's people there that help me get in/out of church when Matt's in class and I need an extra hand, it's people helping take/pick up my kids from Bible class when I'm on my own, it's friends that are understanding & supportive when I cancel playdates because I'm tired, and friends that are happy to meet up and play and talk when I'm having a rough week & we need out of the house. It's friends that pray for us and friends that pray with us. It's the constant reminder that this winter of our life is not forever and then comes the spring. It's knowing that we're not in this alone. I firmly believe that God led us to our church. I believe that He knew what we would need before any of this even started. And through all of this He has continued to bless us. We've found some of the best friends of our lives. I've found a group of girls & friends that make me smile just thinking about them. I love them. Time with them is one of the highlights of my week. It's the time that has kept me sane some weeks. And, I know that God knew I would need them. My only hope is that one day I can bless their lives just as much as they have blessed mine.
5 comments:
Crying! Need tissue! Be back soon!
Rachel, you are doing such a good job! I know it is hard. You are so strong. I'm glad you have so much support there! I love how you really just seem to take one day at a time. I wish I were better at that! I'll pray that you can make it through these ups and downs! I know you will come out even stronger!!
Oh how I love you, dear Rachel! You are an amazing mommy and incredibly supportive wife. You inspire me everytime I am with you. You BLESS me!
I appreciate you sharing this so honestly and openly. Being a mommy is a hard job no matter what the circumstances and I know it has been especially difficult for you with all that you've had to balance recently.
You can be rest assured that your family is covered with love and prayer and you are surrounded by friends that would love to help you in any way that we can.
I know you and Matt have your priorities on what is most important in life and I know that God is blessing you through this journey.
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