Contentment

I'm not sure that I know how to start this, but I have some thoughts that I want to get down and remember about our life right now. It's a little random, but I'm writing this for me, not anyone else.

For awhile now, I've been in such a content, happy, place. I know that not everyone has this, and it hasn't always been this way for me, but I'm there now.

I wake up and greet each day, fresh and new and ready to tackle whatever it brings. I look forward to things that are coming up, but am busy enough that times doesn't drag on as I'm waiting. My days are full from the moment I wake up until the moment that I fall into bed -- exhausted -- at the end of the day. Certainly, there are moments that aren't fun, but even during those moments I know that I am doing something worthwhile. I'm happy with our little family, happy with our role at church, happy with matt's job. I've let go of thinking that we are like "everyone else" right  now and just accepted that we have the challenges that we have with Matt's work/school situation. We are doing the best that we can. I think that one of the biggest things that helped me relax and let go, came from some very wise words from an elder at our church. He told us that right now, our job is to take care of each other, our kids, and do the best we can with the rest. Hearing that from someone that we love and respect somehow just took root in my heart and helped me to let go of some worry and realize that it's ok to say no to things in order to better take care of our family.

Right now, I'm living my dream. It isn't a perfect dream. Instead it is full of stick countertops, loud children, constant exhaustion. But, it's also filled with laughter, silliness, teaching and those awesome moments when I see my children learn and grow. And, I am so thankful that I have a husband that supports and encourages this dream. Life is good.

Sure, there are things that I might change if I could. There are some uncertainties right now -- what will Matt's job be next year? What will we do in 2 years when Ph.D school is over? Should we add to our family?

But, I guess I've (finally) come to the place where I know that it will all work out and we will be ok no matter what. Maybe that's what contentment looks like. I've always been a worrier and a planner. I have a list for everything. My house is organized. I function best like this -- but I'm learning that life isn't like a list. It's constantly changing and being able to find contentment in any and all situation is hard, but I'm getting there.