The Night Before Kindergarten

Tomorrow is a big day at our house. Tomorrow you, my sweet Harrison, head off to kindergarten. This is a day that I’ve been dreading for months, I’ve watched time ticking off on the calendar, watched that big day “August 20” grow closer and closer wanting desperately to stop time and, yet, knowing there is nothing that I can do to stop it from arriving.  

Tonight, I tucked you into bed, read you a book and sang you your usual lullaby. Tonight was like any other night. But tomorrow is not like any other day. Tomorrow starts a new chapter in both of our lives. Tomorrow is the end of the time that I’ve had you at home with me, each and every day. Tomorrow you begin a new phase in your live and while I know that you are ready, it is tearing my heart apart. You have no idea how much I will miss you. The past 5 years, 8 months and 29 days have been such fun. So much fun that I’ve felt like I was cheating life just a bit – you have been my easygoing, relaxed child and we have had such fun! Because of you I have learned about things I’ve never known – cars, trains, bugs, snakes and the like.  

There are so many emotions running through my heart tonight – excitement, sadness, anxiety, pride, joy, love, worry. So many emotions that fill my heart. But, for all that is in my heart, there is only one thought in my mind. The same thought that has filled my mind all day long. 

Where did the time go?

It was spent up at nights rocking you to sleep.



 

Hours listening to you breathe, holding a cool hand to your hot brow when you were sick.

 

Holding your little hand as you learned to walk, then chasing after you as you took off running.

 

Snuggling on the couch with you, listening to your contagious giggles while we watched cartoons.

 

Sleeping with your little body curled into mine during a thunderstorm.

 

Hours wondering, worrying if you would ever talk, and days where you never stopped talking.

 

Listening to you learn to pray and feeling such pride as I watched your love for God grow.

 

Seeing you in your role as the little brother and watching you grow into your role as the big one.

 

Building the biggest, most elaborate traintracks, roads, and lego houses our minds could imagine.

 

Afternoons spent curled up on the couch reading as many books as we could find.

 

And, somewhere along the way you became the most wonderful little boy that I’ve ever known, the most wonderful boy that I can imagine.

And, tomorrow we begin a new chapter. Tomorrow you become a “school kid.” And, I have no doubt in my mind that you are ready, so I guess I’d better get ready too. Someone once said that being a mother is like wearing you heart on the outside of your body for the rest of your life. That’s so true. Each of you have a piece of my heart. 

So, while tomorrow is a big day for you, it’s a big day for me too. Because when I walk out of that kindergarten classroom, down the hall, out the front door and down the steps to my car, I will be leaving a piece of my heart in that room. Right there with you. Because that piece has always been yours. And it always will be.